Wednesday, July 31, 2013

10 Do's and Don'ts for Conflict

  • Do listen for the feeling your spouse is trying to communicate rather than just the words he/she is using.
  • Do reflect back to your spouse what you are hearing: "I am hearing you say that you feel hurt and criticized when I ..."
  • Do accept responsibility for your contributions to your spouse's pain.
  • Do change and repent; seek the Lord for strength.
  • Do build your spouse up with your words and actions.
  • Don't blame your spouse.  Speak from your feelings rather than from accusations.  Say, "When you _____, I feel ______, would you please ______?" rather than yelling something like, "You always mess up my plans by __________!"
  • Don't use "always" and "never."  They are always never a good idea for constructive discussion.
  • Don't raise your voice.  The bible says that a gentle answer turns away wrath :)
  • Don't hold a grudge. (and don't throw a resolved issue back at your spouse later)
  • Don't forget to forgive, followed by lots of hugging, kissing, and making-up!
  • Tuesday, July 16, 2013

    Good Husband or Bad Husband

    Husbands, do you embody more of the "Good Husband" or "Bad Husband" traits below?  If you don't like the balance, make a change!

    Characteristics of a Good Husband

    Listens to his wife's words and to her heart

    Puts her needs and desires above his own

    In an argument, seeks resolution and reconnection

    Prays for, and with, his wife and family

    Builds his wife up, both in person and to others

    Knows when to "fix it", and when to just listen

    Saves his affections and sexual attention for his wife

    Characteristics of a Bad Husband

    Listens half-heartedly to his wife; would rather watch the game.

    Is concerned with what's he's "due" rather than what he can "do" for her

    In an argument, seeks victory and justification

    Prayer?  That's private.

    Criticizes his wife for everything; jokes about her with his buds

    Tries to fix things before listening, or tells his wife to "get over it"

    "I'm married, not dead."

    It can be easy to fall into some of the "bad husband" traps.  Be aware of what they are, and make a conscious effort to change.  Be a REAL man, and be the GOOD HUSBAND your wife needs you to be!

    Tuesday, July 9, 2013

    Are You a Good or a Bad Wife?

    Check out the lists below to find out if you embody mostly "Good Wife" characteristics or mostly "Bad Wife" characteristics. The cool thing is that you can change your behaviors any time, so stop doing the bad and start practicing good wifely traits :):

    Good Wifely Characteristics                        

    Uses Respectful Words and Attitudes                   

    Calmly discusses                                      

    Builds up/Praises her husband to others

    Sexually Willing

    Thinks more of her husbands needs than her own

    Accepts responsibility for her own failings     

     Remembers what her husband does right                               

    Bad Wifely Characteristics

    Uses Critical Words and Attitudes

    Yells and Rages

    Bad-mouths her husband to others                      

    Sexually Avoidant

    Thinks more of ways her husband is failing her

    Blames everything on her husband

    Reminds herself, her husband, and everyone else what her husband does wrong

    Which one will you be? A Good Wife? or A Bad Wife? You can choose today; be good to your man!