Do listen for the feeling your spouse is trying to communicate rather than just the words he/she is using.
Do reflect back to your spouse what you are hearing: "I am hearing you say that you feel hurt and criticized when I ..."
Do accept responsibility for your contributions to your spouse's pain.
Do change and repent; seek the Lord for strength.
Do build your spouse up with your words and actions.
Don't blame your spouse. Speak from your feelings rather than from accusations. Say, "When you _____, I feel ______, would you please ______?" rather than yelling something like, "You always mess up my plans by __________!"
Don't use "always" and "never." They are always never a good idea for constructive discussion.
Don't raise your voice. The bible says that a gentle answer turns away wrath :)
Don't hold a grudge. (and don't throw a resolved issue back at your spouse later)
Don't forget to forgive, followed by lots of hugging, kissing, and making-up!