10 Do's and Don'ts for Conflict

Do listen for the feeling your spouse is trying to communicate rather than just the words he/she is using.

Do reflect back to your spouse what you are hearing: "I am hearing you say that you feel hurt and criticized when I ..."

Do accept responsibility for your contributions to your spouse's pain.

Do change and repent; seek the Lord for strength.

Do build your spouse up with your words and actions.

Don't blame your spouse.  Speak from your feelings rather than from accusations.  Say, "When you _____, I feel ______, would you please ______?" rather than yelling something like, "You always mess up my plans by __________!"

Don't use "always" and "never."  They are always never a good idea for constructive discussion.

Don't raise your voice.  The bible says that a gentle answer turns away wrath :)

Don't hold a grudge. (and don't throw a resolved issue back at your spouse later)

Don't forget to forgive, followed by lots of hugging, kissing, and making-up!

Good Husband or Bad Husband

Husbands, do you embody more of the "Good Husband" or "Bad Husband" traits below?  If you don't like the balance, make a change!

Characteristics of a Good Husband

Listens to his wife's words and to her heart

Puts her needs and desires above his own

In an argument, seeks resolution and reconnection

Prays for, and with, his wife and family

Builds his wife up, both in person and to others

Knows when to "fix it", and when to just listen

Saves his affections and sexual attention for his wife

Characteristics of a Bad Husband

Listens half-heartedly to his wife; would rather watch the game.

Is concerned with what's he's "due" rather than what he can "do" for her

In an argument, seeks victory and justification

Prayer?  That's private.

Criticizes his wife for everything; jokes about her with his buds

Tries to fix things before listening, or tells his wife to "get over it"

"I'm married, not dead."

It can be easy to fall into some of the "bad husband" traps.  Be aware of what they are, and make a conscious effort to change.  Be a REAL man, and be the GOOD HUSBAND your wife needs you to be!

Are You a Good or a Bad Wife?

Check out the lists below to find out if you embody mostly "Good Wife" characteristics or mostly "Bad Wife" characteristics. The cool thing is that you can change your behaviors any time, so stop doing the bad and start practicing good wifely traits :):

Good Wifely Characteristics                        

Uses Respectful Words and Attitudes                   

Calmly discusses                                      

Builds up/Praises her husband to others

Sexually Willing

Thinks more of her husbands needs than her own

Accepts responsibility for her own failings     

 Remembers what her husband does right                               

Bad Wifely Characteristics

Uses Critical Words and Attitudes

Yells and Rages

Bad-mouths her husband to others                      

Sexually Avoidant

Thinks more of ways her husband is failing her

Blames everything on her husband

Reminds herself, her husband, and everyone else what her husband does wrong


Which one will you be? A Good Wife? or A Bad Wife? You can choose today; be good to your man!