Wednesday, July 31, 2013

10 Do's and Don'ts for Conflict

  • Do listen for the feeling your spouse is trying to communicate rather than just the words he/she is using.
  • Do reflect back to your spouse what you are hearing: "I am hearing you say that you feel hurt and criticized when I ..."
  • Do accept responsibility for your contributions to your spouse's pain.
  • Do change and repent; seek the Lord for strength.
  • Do build your spouse up with your words and actions.
  • Don't blame your spouse.  Speak from your feelings rather than from accusations.  Say, "When you _____, I feel ______, would you please ______?" rather than yelling something like, "You always mess up my plans by __________!"
  • Don't use "always" and "never."  They are always never a good idea for constructive discussion.
  • Don't raise your voice.  The bible says that a gentle answer turns away wrath :)
  • Don't hold a grudge. (and don't throw a resolved issue back at your spouse later)
  • Don't forget to forgive, followed by lots of hugging, kissing, and making-up!
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