The Marriage Saver

As Christian marriage coaches, it should be no surprise that Tim and I are believers in the one and only true answer to marriage problems...the Lord (and all of life's other problems, too :-)! Yet, what might that look like in everyday life? Well, there was an amazing statistic presented at our church this weekend. It was one that we had never heard before, and we have heard many. We've heard it stated that 50% of all marriages are estimated to fail in the general population and that 35% of Christian marriages are estimated to fail. However, the one from this weekend was encouraging....for couples who pray together? The odds go from 1 out of 3 marriages failing to 1 out of 1500 (or a number around there, I don't EXACTLY remember, lol). However, the point of the statistic is powerful marriage saving knowledge! If you don't already, please consider praying for your spouse daily. If you each do that already, consider praying together regularly. Prayer, a practical, everyday marriage saver...communication with the ultimate Marriage Saver. What have you got to lose?

The Purple-Clay Marriage

By Michelle Croyle Once upon a time, there was a red ball of clay, and it desperately wished for a ball of blue clay that she could call her very own. A ball of blue clay rolled around, waiting for the day when he, too, would meet his mate. Eventually, the red clay ball rolled out into the big world and bumped into the blue clay ball. They rolled along together for a while, and they enjoyed each other's company. The blue clay thought the red clay was super cute, and the red clay thought the blue clay was quite a hunk. One day, the two decided to get married. So, they rolled around together until the red of the one ball of clay and the blue of the other ball of clay became one bigger, better ball of clay, and they were no longer red and blue, they had become purple. Even if the the clay that was once red decided to go off for a weekend with the red balls of clay she used to hand around with, and even if the formerly blue clay went out to watch a football game with the blue clay pals he used to know, the two individual balls of clay were never red or blue as they had been, as they had now become purple. Purple meant that wherever one went, the other went too, not necessarily always to things like the grocery store or the PTA meeting or the boardroom or the mechanic, but in the big ball of life, red and blue would never be just red and blue, they had become something better, something more powerful, and something that would always be purple. So, if you are purple, be purple, and be proud to be purple. Don't destroy your beautiful purple color by trying to be red again. Don't destroy your strong purpleness trying to be blue again. Embrace purple. Purple will go the distance, together as one. P.S. Contact us if your purple needs some help getting stronger. marriageguyandgal@gmail.com

Passing the Blame

One questions we can ask ourselves is, "How often do we really stop to think about how our actions are affecting others?" However, perhaps an even more insightful question might be, "How often do we listen to what others say about how they feel we are treating them?" In other words, do we really listen and give our loved ones our attention and their words our consideration so that we might be able to implement change, should it be warranted, within ourselves? Or, are we more likely to blame loved ones as being too sensitive, just not understanding where we're coming from, or causing issues themselves? Before we pass the blame to others, it might be beneficial to each of us to look at our own behaviors and to consider if what we are hearing from our spouses, children, or others we care about might be something helpful rather than merely a criticism or a judgement. Change begins with each of us. Be the change you wish to see. Blessings, Michelle

What to Do When Marriage Hurts

Marriage is not supposed to be something that brings you pain. Ideally, it is God's way of assuring us that we are not alone, and that "knowing" someone unconditionally will be there for us forever is possible. It serves as a solid foundation to bring children into the world, and a take-off point from which we can go forth to work on life's goals. Marriage can be so many great things, but when it is causing more pain than blessing, it maybe time to reach out to get support and help. How to know if your marriage could use some skilled help? Are you looking forward to the future with your spouse or secretly dreading it? Is it easier for you to list your spouses faults or to speak of their good qualities? Are you hoping things can work out, or are you hoping things can end based on a technicality? It is not easy to know when to seek help, but if you are noticing that things are tending more towards the negative and less toward the positive, I encourage you to reach out. While we would love to provide your marriage with the coaching and tools to make it better, and we hope you will contact us if you need us, we just want you to get what you need to save and build your marriage. Check out other resources, too: check out marriage blogs such as this one, read marriage books, talk to a pastor or trusted friend, or take a time out together to discuss your concerns with your mate. The important thing is that you get the support you need to heal from the pain and the skills to improve your marriage rather than settle for less than God's plan for marriage to be a blessing to you. All the best, Michelle

How Can I Serve?

When we think about service, we might think about customer service, getting food at a restaurant, having a hotel room cleaned for us, or the lousy service that we got the last time we had to get the computer fixed (but I'm not bitter ;-). Yes, service can be either good or bad in the commercial world, but being in the service of the Lord will never turn out poorly when we serve as unto Him out of a sincere and giving heart. How does that look in reality?

Of course, there can be ways we serve the community, the church, the sick, the poor, the needy. Yeah, the list could go on and on, but what about the way we serve in our own home? Are you giving the best we've got to those around us, those in our very own families? What does this kind of good service look like? Maybe it is writing a note to encourage your husband in his lunch bag, cookies and milk and a time to talk to mom alone after school, chauferring the kids to sports with a sincere smile on your face, or a husband folding laundry without being asked (Thanks Marriage Guy Tim! <3). Whatever you do, do it for the Lord and with a joyful heart. Bless those closest to you with service out of a selfless sacrificial heart...even if you feel they won't notice or "don't deserve it." Jesus didn't deserve death on a cross, but look how well that turned out for all of humanity who will believe in Him :-). Give service with a joyful heart, as unto the Lord, whether they notice or not, and whether they deserve it or not, and watch as your home becomes a haven of loving acts, kindness, and togetherness...serving each other and, ultimately, God.

Married with Children?

The following was written by a God-loving woman I know, and I asked permission to post it.  She was pleased to let me share it in the hopes it would bless even more people than those who originally received it.  Enjoy!  --Michelle

        I can still remember as a kid, watching that TV show Married With Children, with the infamous family the 'Bundys'. The dysfunctional family with two middle-aged parents raising two very vibrant and vocal teenagers- one being a ditzy blond daughter named Kelly and a somewhat educated yet narrow minded son named Bud, caught the attention of my naive little brain. Week in and week out I would tune in to see what the Bundy household was up to. Somehow they seemed to pull off a moral-of-the-story type episode that kept me drawn in to their fantasyland family. But real-life married with children is far from chasing down unwanted boyfriends with a shot gun or even helping old ladies fit in to shoes that are half their size. And marriage is more than sitting on a comfy couch with your beautiful wife and spouting out rehearsed lines from a script. Married with children is WORK! And LOTS of it. Being a young married mother of two takes more energy than being an actress/actor with a full-time job! My role never gets a day off or even a season to recoup. And if your spouse has a full-time job, then you know what it feels like to work overtime when 10 hours has rolled around and you're still solo with the kids. Believe me, I think that children are the best gift from God that there is, but I need not forget that the idea of family first began with my spouse. That was where family began- with I do. My husband should get just as much of my attention as I give my two precious children. As much as I love them and want them around me, I still need to make time for the man of the house and the one who made the idea of having children a reality. Ladies, it may get lonely if you're a stay-at-home Mommy and Daddy is at work 8+ hours a day or even on the road. Yes, you may even feel disconnected from your Man because your children take more of your time and attention than he does. And guys, you may feel like you're just one person and having the financial burden of taking care of your wife & children. You may feel like there is no time for you to unwind from your busy day at the office. But remember- you are a team - husband & wife. You got one another's back and you have one mission in mind, to create a happy & healthy home and family. So, take a deep breath, cause you need one, take some time for yourself, cause you deserve it, but most importantly, take yourselves out on a date as often as you can,cause you depend on it! Take time to celebrate YOU as a couple - married with children!

Be Blessed~

Chrissy

Satan is a Liar!

You know, my husband Tim and I are not the type of people who stand on street corners with signs shouting at people to make them come to our viewpoints on spiritual matters.  We aren't confrontational people by nature, and while we are not endorsing peace at all costs (there are certainly times one needs to speak truth and stand by convictions), we certainly prefer a low key approach as opposed to a fire and brimstone one.  So, for me to use an exclamation point in the title of the post, I must really mean it.

This morning, my hubby, said something to the effect of: "You know why Satan wants to destroy marriages?  He not only wants to break up the family, corrode the foundations of society, and hurt the husband and the wife, he does it because he knows that marriage is supposed to represent our relationship to God, and that by working to break up marriages, he wants people to think that marriage can't last, that our relationship to God isn't permanent."  (Nothing can separate us from God's love, Romans 8:38-39).    

While I know that my man is a deep thinker, I was really impressed not only by the way he ended his thought, but also by the next thing he said in a matter-of-fact tone and final concluding phrase "Satan's a liar."

Just like that, something I have known my whole life was said in such a way as to really hit me with truth.  For instance, when I doubt my true abilities, Satan is a liar.  When I feel defeated, Satan is a liar.  When relationships look hopeless, Satan is a liar.

In what ways do you need to realize this truth and challenge the thoughts that are not the truth of God for your life?  In your family, in your relationships, in your work, in your parenting, in your marriage, in your self-esteem....if it isn't of God, remember: Satan is a liar.

Blessings,
Marriage Gal Michelle and Marriage Guy Tim